So its been quite a while since I've logged on as the mysterious and cultured alter-ego alpaCasey to fill all of you in on my adventures in Peru, but to be honest the adventures have been few and far between over the last few weeks. There have been no food crises, no Indiana Jonesesque experiences, no misa challenges and no great escapes, its been a calm existence since my fateful day on "Dos de Mayo". With that said I though I would take a chance to take a relatively uneventful yet culturally fascinating experience and turn it into an epic adventure of the best kind. So here it goes, enjoy reading the adventure of the decade, titled "The Body-Squishing Power of El Dios"...
The scene opens on a group of friends, much like you and I, young, exuberant and filled with an urge to explore and discover, soaking in the sights of beautiful Cusco, Peru on a Monday much like any other Monday. The leader of the group is a tall (in a Peruvian's eyes), handsome (in everyone's eyes) young man with a strong jaw and long flowing orange hair like the sun. His friends refer to him as "Peligroso Pelirrojo" but for our purposes we will call him simply "P2". With P2 is the mammoth man called "Yake", a bearded monster from Indiana who because of his ferocity was forced to attend an all-Boys college since everywhere else was too scared to accept him. Along with P2 and Yake is Mateo, a friendly skinny hippie character with an easy smile and a flavor for jam bands like Phish. The last member of the gang is "J-Lo", the flashy ladies man of the group, a former soccer star who has turned his fancy footwork on the soccer pitch to the dance floor where he is generally considered to be the best gringo-salsa dancer in all of Peru. The 4 men make quite a site in the land of 5'6" tall, tan, Spanish speakers. On this fateful day though their unique appearances will serve to hinder them in their quest.
It is 7pm and P2, Yake, Mateo and J-Lo have risen early on this Monday. Strapping their equipment to their backs, tightening their adventure-ready boots and covering their eyes with protective and reflective lenses they venture out into the slightly unfamiliar territory of Cusco, Peru. The trek to the city center is slightly more crowded than normal, strangers surround them on all sides, shooting them questioning looks and bumping and jostling at every turn. The usual 10 minute hike from HQ to the base of operations (called Norton's Rat Pub by those with the highest clearance level) is off to a slow start. It quickly becomes apparent that this Monday is not like any other Monday, the air smells different, strange sounds float through the team's ears and every building seems to be covered in flags of allegiances. Luckily for the fateful four, Mateo is an expert investigator and within minutes he informs his partners that it is the first day of a week long heart-straining experience called "Semana Santa", or "Saint Week". "Semana Santa" acts as the path leading to the most sacred of days in Peru, "Pascua", or "Easter Sunday", and now the fantastic 4 have found themselves right in the middle of it!
Within minutes P2 has developed a complex plan to avoid the possibly fatal trek to the base of operations, the team must avoid the plaza at all costs, a slight slip into the mayhem the is the Plaza de Armas could cost the team their lives. Instead P2 orders that the 4 make their way around the plaza and in an old Civil War trick, approach the base of operations from the rear. The tactic seems flawless, the crowd will never expect a reverse entrance...oh how wrong they were! Making a quick right on the tourist-covered Avenue El Sol, the 3 musketeers (plus 1) begin a downward assault across the gray, cement surface of the avenue. Suddenly disaster strikes, the team becomes divided against the current of the opposing forces, suddenly Mateo and P2 are too far ahead of J-Lo and Yake, their strength in numbers has been depleted, survival instincts set in. Luckily Mateo and P2 are used to these kind of crowds, their training in MA and VT have prepared them for this type of situation. Using gazelle like movements the two dodge and weave their way through the hordes until they finally reach their 2nd turn. The ease at which they cut through the crowds turns the disaster into a friendly competition between the two, they race walk their way up the left-hand turn, flashing each other looks of competitive prowess. It isn't long before they reach another left-hand turn, and here the brash leader P2 falters. Mateo wisely suggests that they take this turn, but P2 says "nay, we must continue ahead if we want to reach the base of operations safely." The two continue ahead only to find that they have over shot their route, they are more than 2 clicks too far east, a disastrous mistake. Fighting against still more minions of "Semana Santa" the two journeymen make their way back to the correct route and seeing an opening in the masses make their way ahead with fervor.
Suddenly a wall appears ahead of them, not a wall of stone or wood or metal, materials that could easily be surpassed with the team's superior strength, but a wall of people, a mass of hundreds upon hundreds of people, unbreakable, unbeatable. The two men are at a stalemate, they cannot make their way forward, even with all they strength there are too many innocent children in the way and they cannot risk any casualties. The entrance to the base of operations is a mere 50 meters ahead but all that can be done is to wait patiently, a tactic that is not often used by this advanced team. Spotting a ledge overhead, P2 suggests a boost up from Mateo could get him up and over the crowd along the ledge, all the way to their destination, the plan is foiled though when a quick analysis of the low balconies above the ledge displays limited room for movement, and so they wait. After 20 minutes of the painful waiting they realize that they have been completely outflanked, the crowd has appeared behind them in equal force to the one ahead, yet in that crowd to their rear Mateo and P2 spot Yake an J-Lo only a few feet behind, a welcoming and relieving discovery. The wait continues and eventually the group is reunited, force in numbers once again, but even the power of 4 cannot overwhelm the power of faithful hundreds.
Soon the team discovers the source of the barrier, a statue of the crowds religious leader, Jesus Christ, is being toured throughout the plaza and until the statue enters the church, the crowd will not budge. For now the team surrenders to the crowd and takes an opportunity to regain strength and marvel at the thousands upon thousands of faithful who have left the safety of their own HQs to view their savior. It really is quite a site, especially when in unison the thousands throw up their hands in prayer and after a few minutes of absolute deathly silence clap all together as the statue enters the church. Even for 4 battle-hardened men, it is a powerful experience despite any lack of religious faith. By 8:15 the statue of Jesus Christ has once again returned to the church and the masses begin to shift. "Yes, now is the time, FORWARD" shouts P2, the team must take advantage of the movement in the human wall. Yet the wall is coming towards them, not away, the masses are flowing away from the entrance that the team seeks, what to do?!?!?!?! Lowering a shoulder and gripping the bear-like Yake for support, P2 makes his way against the current, slowly the team begins to make progress. Among Spanish cursing and yelling, the 4 fight their way forward, shifting routes occasionally to decrease any collateral damage. A few times one of the 4 will trip or fall but their battle formation of a straight line allows for each member of the team to support the other. 50 meters is covered in 25 minutes but with the help of friendly, chuckling members of the tide the team eventually makes it to their final destination. Releasing their breath, shaking out their weary limbs and breathing in the sweet smell of freedom, the formidable 4 climb the stairs to safety, comfort and cold glasses of Norton's top-secret elixir of life. For the next few hours, the team, joined by other compatriots, marvel at the events occurring below them in the center and wonder how they made it out safely and why they had never faced such an incredible and magnificent experience before in all their adventures together.
THE END
alpaCasey
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